I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
