Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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