I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
