At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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