Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
