Do you still have your period?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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