sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
