everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
