You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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