WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
