If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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