I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
