I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
