Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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