Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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