The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
