This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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