So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
