Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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