Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
