The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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