So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
