its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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