I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
