It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
