I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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