Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
