Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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