Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my sisters under your porch take her home
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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