I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
