I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
