Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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