just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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