I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
