Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
