I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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