The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
