i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
