I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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