What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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