I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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