Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
