You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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