you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
