she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize