I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
