Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
