guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
