Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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