I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
