wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
