You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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